the_snowmachine HD

Welcome to the crappy planet where I'm a folk hero!

A friendly request: It has been brought to my attention that someone has been violating the terms of this room and recording and re-sharing some of my broadcasts. In addition someone has linked my personal contact information (phone number, address, name) to those illegal downloads. If you find this information and feel compelled to call or visit me unannounced, please don't. Instead, report whoever is sharing those details to the proper authorities. I would like to press charges. Thank you.

Let me cover some basic information that I am often asked in open chat.

Yes, I'm married. My wife does know I'm here, and she is most likely next to me in bed. That's probably her hand or hair or mouth. If you're a sexy beautiful woman we'd probably be interested in hearing from you. If your local and interested, even more so.

I'm straight. This means that penises, in all their wonderful variation, do not sexually excite me or otherwise interest me. You know, except my own. I'm rather fond of that one.

I'm not here to perform for you, I am here for my own enjoyment and amusement. Some requests may be honored, some will not. Excessive…